No Small Token
by denise1
Summary: A Sam and Teal'c friendship piece


No Small Token

By

Denise

Sam softly knocked on Teal'c's door, fighting the urge to tap her foot as the plain gray barrier remained stubbornly shut. He was in there. He'd been in there ever since he and the colonel had returned from Vorash three days ago. According to base scuttlebutt he hadn't even come out to eat.

Taking a deep breath, she grasped the doorknob and slowly entered the room. Blinking against the darkness, she was assailed by the sweet scent of hot wax, which contrasted with the sharp tang of sweat.

Teal'c was seated cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by the large yellow pillar candles he used for his meditation. He was wearing only his fatigue pants and she could see sweat glistening on his chest and arms. The temperature of the room had to be close to 90, the air close and heavy. A quick glance showed that the air conditioning vents were all closed.

Teal'c's eyes were closed, his hands resting on his knees. He still hadn't acknowledged her presence; in fact, everything in his posture screamed 'leave me alone'. Banking on four years of friendship to get her some leeway, she sank to the floor, sitting by his side.

She breathed in deep, letting the dark and warmth relax her.

"I desire solitude," he said abruptly, his low voice sounding horribly loud in the silence of the room.

"You've been alone for the last three days. We're worried about you," she said simply. The colonel hadn't gone into details but she knew both of the men well enough to know that 'Teal'c was pissed' was most likely the understatement of the year. "I'm sorry about Shau'nac." He opened his eyes and looked at her, then nodded. He closed his eyes again, purposefully shutting her out. "You two were close?" she asked after a minute.

She saw his jaw clench slightly, the only real sign of his annoyance. "I have known her since my mother and I first fled to Chulak. We grew to adulthood together."

"Wow. So you've known her forever."

"Major Carter. I am aware that you mean no offense, however, words will not bring me comfort." He opened his eyes and met her gaze. "Avenging Shau'nac's murder is all that shall do that. I do not wish to discuss this matter further," he dismissed.

She sighed and nodded. "Ok. Just…we're here for you, I'm here if you need something," she offered. He nodded again then closed his eyes, sinking back into meditation. She got to her feet and quietly left his quarters, telling herself that the chill she felt was a result of leaving the over warm room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You sure about this?" Jack asked, pulling to the curb outside Sam's house.

"I am," Teal'c said, opening the door. He got out and picked up the bag he'd brought from his quarters.

"She kicks you out just give me a call and I'll come get you," Jack offered. He knew Daniel and Janet had tried to talk to Sam about Martouf's death. Both of them had been politely but firmly rebuffed. The second the major had made her reports and cleared medical she'd taken full advantage of some hoarded up leave time and left the mountain, subsequently refusing all attempts at contact. He knew what she was doing, it's exactly what he would have done. Crawl away and hide somewhere until you can bury the pain so deep it doesn't show anymore.

"I doubt that will be necessary." Teal'c slammed the truck door shut and purposefully strode up the walk. He stepped onto her stoop and rang the summoning device, relieved to hear O'Neill leave. He knew his teammate would take offense if she believed his presence here was part of some plan. Although O'Neill had urged Teal'c's visit, the human did not realize that Teal'c had already been planning a conversation with the woman.

The door opened and he frowned slightly at the figure before him. Major Carter was dressed casually in jeans and a shirt. Her feet were bare and she was not wearing her customary cosmetics. He could see the faint shadows under her eyes that spoke of sleeplessness.

"Teal'c?" She looked past him, frowning at the absence of a vehicle. "What are you doing here?"

"I desired to speak with you." He pushed past her and strode into the living room. Her television was off and he could see a book containing photos lying open on the low table. He gently set the book aside, pulling the table further into the center of the room. He heard the door shut as he drew the candles out of his bag, setting them one by one on the table, their pattern deliberately random.

"Teal'c, I…what are you doing?" He could hear the exasperation in her voice.

"Many days ago you came to me, desiring to speak of Shau'nac. I turned you away. I believed you were not capable of understanding the pain I felt, of comprehending my loss. I was wrong."

She sighed. "Teal'c, this isn't a good time."

"I disagree. This is a most appropriate time," he said, pulling out a book of matches from the bag. He struck one and started to methodically light the candles. "Shau'nac and I grew up together. Her father was a scribe at a temple near the outcast camps. He felt no malice towards us and often aided my mother. From the very beginning we had a…connection. She was barely a woman when she was chosen to be a priestess of the temple and received her first Prim'ta." He watched Sam slowly sit on the floor opposite him, obviously caught up in the story. "A few moons later there was a traveling circus nearby. She had never seen one and was set to take her vows soon so we…"

"You snuck out?"

"Yes. A circus on Chulak is much like the ones in Earth's past. There were artisans, poets, bards, soothsayers and oddities. We spent the day there. That night, before we returned, we made love under the Seshta trees, losing our virginity to each other. She was my first and only love," he said, looking directly at her.

"What about Drey'ac?"

"Drey'ac is my wife and the mother of my son. I will respect and care for her always. Jaffa men do not take vows of fidelity, but I remained true to her until I learned that she betrayed me."

He saw her frown a bit. "So you and Shau'nac have known…"

"And loved."

"And loved each other for…."

"Approximately eighty of your years. You once told me that you had many of Jolinar's memories, especially memories of her and Martouf."

She tensed, her face settling into a bland mask. "Teal'c, I don't think…"

"As long as we remember them, the deceased never truly leave us. I have never told anyone, even Tek'mate Bra'tac, about that night. If I were to perish, the memory of that night will live on and by extension, Shau'nac and I will live on, forever under the Seshta trees in the moonlight."

Sam shook her head. "Me telling you Jolinar's memories won't being Martouf back."

"No. It will not. But perhaps, despite their tragic fates, you can remember that they had decades of happiness and pleasant memories. Major Carter, I know Martouf would not wish you to feel guilt about the circumstances of his death. You did what he wished you to do, what he lacked the strength to do. What I lacked the strength to do," he admitted quietly.

Sam shook her head. "What? No. You shot him first."

"O'Neill shot him to wound, as did I. Both of us were aware of the affection you held for him and neither of us wished to kill him. I especially…I did not wish to murder another of my friends' beloved," he said his face full of regret.

"Teal'c, if you hadn't have killed Amaunet, she would have killed Daniel. You had no choice. Daniel knows that," she said laying her hand on his arm.

"As you had no choice in your actions."

She shook her head, ignoring his absolution. "I should have figured it out sooner. I…I just got so focused on the colonel and I and waiting for one of us to go nuts and try to kill everyone that I never even thought anyone could have been vulnerable."

"Neither did the Tok'ra. Although they are not as reprehensible as the goa'uld, they do share a common trait. Their arrogance shall be their downfall." He reached down and picked up her photo album, moving a couple of candles aside to lay it on the table between them. "These are images of your family?"

"Yeah." She ran her fingers over the plastic covered pages, a soft smile crossing her lips. "This was my mother." She traced the outlines of the figure. "This was my birthday party just a few months before she died."

"My mother also perished when I was young. You bear a great resemblance to her."

"You think so?" He nodded and turned the page. "That's my dad, when he still had hair," she said needlessly. She pulled the book towards her, easing herself up onto the couch. Teal'c got to his feet and sat beside her. She laid the heavy book across both their laps and turned the page. "That's Mark and that's his wife."

He listened as she went through the whole book, neither of them noticing as the light faded, leaving the candles the only illumination in the room.

She shut the book, sighing a bit as she ran her hands over its worn cover. "Teal'c, have you ever heard of Noktana?" she asked quietly.

"I have not."

"The last night they were together, Rosha and Martouf spent the night there. I remember these waterfalls, the…rocks were phosphorescent somehow and they glowed this beautiful blue, which meant that the water glowed as well. It was like…swimming in liquid moonlight. They spent the whole night there, it was…like maybe they knew something bad was going to happen." She turned to face him. "The feelings she had…I've never felt like that. Martouf…he didn't just love her, they were …two halves of a whole. I remember her feelings and…a part of me hates her because I know I'll never feel that way about anyone."

"I would not dismiss the possibility so readily," he said quietly. "You have a good heart and a generous soul. You will find him. When the time is right."

Impulsively she leaned into his side, taking strength from his warmth. He raised his arm and slid it behind her, hugging her. "Thanks, Teal'c."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Teal'c gingerly sat on the edge of his bed, studiously ignoring the aches and twinges. His symbiote would heal him, already had healed the worst of the damage inflicted by Terok. The rest was…insignificant. It was not as though it was the first time he'd ever been tortured, nor was it likely to be the last.

He just needed to forget. His recovery was being effected by his memories, he knew. Meditation was difficult to attain and nearly impossible to maintain. He could find no peace, Terok's words taunting him even in his dreams. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the man's leering face, heard him laughing as he screamed in pain.

He needed to forget, to banish those memories. It was in the past, and the past did not matter. He felt a hand on his arm and his body jerked instinctively, moving away from anything that could harm him.

"Whoa! Teal'c, it's just me." He opened eyes he didn't even recall closing to see Major Carter standing a few feet away. "I'm sorry, I knocked but there was no answer," she said.

Teal'c took a calming breath. "My apologies. I…"

"It's ok. I just… wanted to give you this." She held out a small flat package.

He took it and frowned. "What is it?"

She shrugged. "Open it and find out."

He pulled the paper off and revealed a small hand drawn portrait. "Shau'nac," he whispered, caressing her cheek through the glass. "How…"

"I checked the security tapes and took some stills to a friend of mine. Adi's a good artist. She used the pictures to draw this," Sam explained. "As long as we remember them, they're not truly gone, right?" He nodded, his eyes suspiciously bright. "Well, then, you should be able to remember her…until you get to meet her in person."

He looked back down, his fingers tracing the contours of his dead lover's face. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Anytime. I'll leave you to meditate," she said with a small smile. She turned and left the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

Teal'c got up and sat down on the floor carefully placing Shau'nac's picture before him. He lit the candles and let his eyes drift close. The images of his torturer faded to be replaced by the smiling countenance of his lover. Cruel hands became gentle caresses, taunting laughter faded into the gentle moans and sighs as her body shuddered beneath him.

"Paltiem shree talma, Shau'nac. Our love does not end in death."

Fin


End file.
